Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
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Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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