Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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