I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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