ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
