how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
