This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
