I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
