theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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