are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize