Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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