Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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