This is not my ceiling
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
