Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
