That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
