I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
