So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
