I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
