im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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