Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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