I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
