did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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