So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
