i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
