I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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