I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
