Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
