Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
