Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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