I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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