If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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