16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
