apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
