he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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