i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
