i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
