I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
