whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ketchup is God's man juice
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
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