I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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