I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
