I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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