He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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