cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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