The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
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It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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