What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
