we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
