Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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