we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
