I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
