I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
40s are totally the cure
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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