He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
