i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
