but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
