The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I still have a little drunk in my system
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
