He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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