this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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