My Higher Power is John Stamos
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
