i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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