I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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