she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
