hotel room ftw
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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