i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it's like iHOP with fire
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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