I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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