My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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