So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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