I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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