if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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