I will die if light touches me.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
its not stalking. its research.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
