just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
