God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
