Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
