hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
