Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
