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so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
