My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize