So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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