My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
