Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have post one night stand depression
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