i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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