so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
nutella sex= disaster
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
