I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Rumble strips road head = magical
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
