I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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