Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
