She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
